I am going to share a story with you about a situation that I ‘suffered’ through for OVER a year.
In my classes you will hear me talk about using your *B.R.A.I.N.S for making informed choices when it comes to birth and parenting your children, the “S” is something that I have added over the years. It stands for Second Opinion, and it is super important.
My story begins with a new stereo system in my car. I am not super tech savvy, but it works pretty well. After about a year or so of it being in, the car started having a weird ‘chime’ or ‘chirp’ at random times. We looked all through the settings to figure out what was making the sound. All the information on the internet told me that it was probably related to speed and maps. But, I wasn’t using an integrated Mapping system. There were times when it would chime every 10-15 seconds, and there were times that it would chime once an hour… or not at all. It truly was torture for me. Has anyone seen those chirping things you can hide on someone's desk to drive them insane… yeah, that was what it was like driving my car for a YEAR.
We looked everywhere, tried resetting everything that we knew how, because my son likes to ‘fix’ things for me and generally screws up the proper settings on things.
We took a family road trip this year for Thanksgiving and my husband was fully on board with my craziness, having heard the strange sound that we could not stop. So one day we both took the car out alone and started testing all the things that it could be trying desperately to get the sound to stop. While we were sitting in the running car in a parking lot, him in the driver seat, and me in the passenger seat I noticed that the sound was not actually coming from the stereo system at all, it was coming from the dash camera that we had installed behind the rearview mirror years ago. The sound was reflecting off the windshield and bouncing around the car, so it sounded like it was from the speaker system… As it turned out the camera was dying, and everytime that it restarted itself it would chime… It took a different and fresh perspective without the distractions of driving or riding down the road to find the answer.
That is what a second opinion can be in your birth or parenting. Whether it is a band new set of eyes and ears, or just taking a step back and looking at the concern, issue or option from a different perspective can make or break a situation. It can give you the confidence in your choice, and provide comfort in the look back that you truly did everything that you could/should in the moment.
In a hospital situation you can ask for a second opinion, this is not an sign that you do not trust your care team, it is simply acknowledging that you need a fresh look at the situation to make sure that no one has missed an option. It is not a ‘good o’l boys’ gang where the new look will simply tell you what the other care provider sees. They will come in with new eyes, and genuinely look at everything to make sure that you have not missed anything.
Having open conversations with your care team will build confidence and trust, and will also open the ability to have the confidence to question the process while you are in it.
Be willing to change your perspective and build bridges of communication with your care team, and not walls. Your care provider, (Midwife or Doctor), nurse and doula are all on the same team and we want to support you both to have the best possible experience.
B. R. A. I. N. S.
- Benefits
- Risks
- Alterternatives
- Intuition
- No or Nothing
- Second Opinion
